25 March 2014

From my new Broadway Musical, _My Fair Hiddles_

Because Chris Jones dared me. And, well, I hope #TomHiddleston has a sense of humor. Or I'm seriously done for. But, hey, if you can't tweak a favorite actor, who can you tweak...

Sung to the tune of "Just You Wait" from My Fair Lady (book and lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner, music by Frederick Loewe), I give you....




Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iddles, just you wait
You'll be sorry but your love will be too late
I'll be Cumberbitching harder
And go off to raid the larder
Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iddles, just you wait!!

Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iddles, til I'm gone
And there's no one there to mow your bloody lawn
You'll be wounded and so manic
Off you'll go into a panic
Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iddles, just you wait!

Ooooo, 'Enry 'Iddles,
Just you wait until we're swimming in the sea
Ooooo, 'Enry 'Iddles,
And you lose your shorts a little ways from me
When you yells, "I'm damned near nude"
I'll just laugh out "Really, dude?"
Ho ho ho, 'Enry 'Iddles
Off I go, 'Enry 'Iddles
Just...you...wait!!!

One day, I'll be famous
I'll be proper and prim
Hang with James Hook so often
I shall call him 'My Jim"
One day the Hook shall say to me,
Dear Jesse, old thing
I want all my pirates your praises to sing
Next week on the 23rd of May
I proclaim Jesse Coffey Lovers Day

All the pirates shall glory
In the wonder of you
And whatever you wish and want
I gladly will do.
Fanks a lot, Jim, says I after swilling the rum
But all I want is 'Enry 'Iddles bum!!

DONE! says the Hook with a stroke
DONE! says the Hook, GO FETCH THE BLOKE!

Then, they'll march you, 'Enry 'Iddles, to the wall
And the Hook will say, Sweet Jesse, sound the call
As they raise their squirt guns higher,
I'll shout, HIT THE TEE SHIRT -- FIRE!!!
You'll be wet, 'Enry 'Iddles
It's all you'll get, 'Enry 'Iddles
Just...you...wait!!!


This is me, grinning with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Still my favorite Shakespearean actor, you know.

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