I learned a very valuable lesson last night. About heroes, to a degree. But mostly about myself.
I have a small radio show, on the internet. Last night, an extremely talented lady who's been in the big time publishing game for a while and is one of my heroes, was on. She was as nervous as I was. But we got through it and we had such a great time that she's coming back again. She read an excerpt from her most current release and she's going to read another from the upcoming release. And then, we talked--by phone, of course--for another hour afterwards. To say the least, when all was said and done, I was euphoric. To the point of being giddy and stupid with it all.
This morning, I woke up with a philisophical bent to my feelings. Replaying it all in my head, I'm so very proud of last night. I learned something too.
I learned that I can appreciate a hero and accept her as human, a person just like me. I learned that she gets nervous, she gets hungry, she has wants and needs and fears. She grieves and laughs. She listened and asked questions. I hope I was as entertaining as she was. But I learned to accept her as a friend. And I learned that I can actually hold a civil, intelligent conversation and not go off half cocked or open my mouth without engaging my brain. I think the moment I was able to accept her humanity, then I was able to relate to her.
Isn't that always the way? We have our heroes and we put them on that pedastal, and mourn when the inevitable fall occurs and berate the hero when it wasn't their fault for that to begin with. I put her on that pedastal and last night, I helped her back down. I did it for me, more than any other reason. I helped her back down on the ground and instead of being the giddy schoolgirl, I was a mature woman with an author crush still but with a clearer picture. And I think I made out like the proverbial bandit. I have a friend now. A friend that I can still admire but one that I can be "me" with. I may irritate her on occasion. Might accidentally piss her off periodically. But I think she likes me anyway, for all that. I know I still like her for all that.
Wow. I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks. There's hope for me yet.
Thanks, Patricia! :-)